I met a guy at the gym today, he was 74. Although he could have told me he was early 60s and I would have believed him. He asked me about my workout tracker and quickly began to almost plead with me that I should never stop training, to make the most of my body at such a young age. Not to build a great physique, but to have the ability to move and feel strong. I often feel gratitude for the things I get to do everyday, that I’m lucky enough to wake up without pain and get out of bed without an issue, that I can walk to the gym and lift heavy weights. Some people don’t have the privilege, and more importantly, I know that eventually that will be taken from me too. He told me about his business and how he hopes to sell and move to Spain eventually. A reminder to me to remember that even the most successful people would trade all of their material wealth for more time within a heart beat. A further reminder to live whilst you can, to be present and remember that life is not endless and these days don’t repeat. I’ve written before about this quiet ache I’ve carried. The feeling of swinging between being lost in the past and desperate to escape into the future. Trying to fix myself by becoming something else. Trying to find meaning in things that never really gave me any. Yet, moments like this remind me... Meaning doesn’t arrive through effort. It arrives through attention. Seneca says, “While we are postponing, life speeds by. Nothing is ours except time. We were entrusted by nature with this one fleeting thing, and yet people treat it as though it's the most dispensable. It slips through our fingers while we’re dreaming about tomorrow. It snatches away each day as it comes and denies us the present by promising the future. The whole future lies in uncertainty. Live immediately.” Spending a lot of my time running away from my past and running toward something else hasn’t left me much time to remember the here and now. But this man invoked more gratitude in me today than I could have instilled myself, and for that I am grateful.

When you ask someone for advice, what you’re really asking for is a reflection of their experience. Their answer isn't just an answer. It’s a sum of everything they’ve lived, seen, avoided, feared, or fought through. That’s why two people can give you completely different guidance on the same question. Because they’re not speaking to your path. They’re speaking from theirs. And this is why, while external voices can guide you, influence you, or help you reflect… they can’t decide for you. Your real answer. Your next step. It can only be found internally. That’s the hard part. Looking inward isn’t always empowering. It can feel terrifying when self-belief is low. When the voice inside feels uncertain, or quiet, or buried beneath years of outsourcing trust to others. But trusting yourself and believing you can find your own answers is where the shift begins. By recognising the gap between the unknown and the known, and believing that you can close that gap by any means necessary. Ask others. Learn from them. Hear their stories. But don’t confuse their answers for your truth. Use their experiences to inform, not define, your choices. The direction you’re looking for has been inside you the whole time. You just have to be willing to trust and listen.

A lot of people say, “Leave the past in the past,” and then they tell you to "focus on the future". A good old human way of looking at things, focusing on everything but the present 🤡 Looking to your past without deciding what you want to do with what you find is like a puzzle half complete. Most of us go digging into our pasts to understand why we are the way we are. We trace the traits we dislike back to origin points. “I can’t connect with people because of this.” “I ruin relationships because of that.” “I hate this part of myself, but now I know where it came from.” We turn our circumstances into justification. We wear our pain like a badge for self-sabotage. But it doesn’t take a genius to see that’s not a real solution. It’s just a false sense of safety, and worst of all, it convinces you that growth isn’t possible. Here’s the part people skip, It’s not wrong to look at your past. In fact, it’s important. Your thoughts, your personality, your patterns, they’ve all been shaped by what came before. But the point isn’t to stay there. The person you were raised to be in the first 20 percent of your life, doesn’t have to dictate the next 80. If there are parts of yourself you don’t like, don’t settle. Don’t wallow. Don’t self-soothe your way into staying stuck. Instead, ask, who do I want to become despite it all?  What traits would that version of me have? And what sits between where I am and where I want to be? That space in the middle, that’s the work. It will come with pain. With challenge. With identity shifts and uncomfortable truths. Which is why staying stuck is often easier and sometimes, oddly comforting. A comforting feeling I’ve found difficult to explain. I used to look back at my past just to feel sad. To feel comforted by the story that I was behind. Like I’d been dealt a bad set of cards, and that made it okay because it wasn’t in my control. Until one day, I realised it was. And if I didn’t change, this would be my story forever.

Years ago, we were united by our pain. United by our desire for peace. United by the hope for a better tomorrow. We’ve grown so close to the idea of peace that we now wake without pain. We wake without fear. We take today for granted, because the chances of tomorrow coming feel pretty much guaranteed. Despite society growing stronger, and eliminating mass destruction and murder for the most part. Somehow, hope is declining. Somehow, what once united us feels like it’s been in vain. Now? We turn against each other the moment we don’t agree. Years ago, when your country was at war, people didn’t let themselves be so easily divided. They knew that together, they were stronger, even when they didn’t share the same opinions. We live in a world where we could  be more unified than ever. The internet and social media were made for connection. So why has it done the opposite? Why has it driven a wedge between us? It has made us entitled to the tiniest of indifferences. So much so, that we’ve forgotten the very thing that makes us indestructible, Human connection. The hope for a better future. Instead, we’ve grown so comfortable in our peace that we fight over the smallest things. What got me thinking about all this? I watched Snow White  in cinemas yesterday. I can no longer go to the cinema without sending myself down a rabbit hole. What made Snow White’s parents so good at ruling? They understood that the people were at the centre of everything. They knew the strength that came from unity. They had hope, to build a better future, together. So what drove them apart? The Evil Queen. The one who took that hope away. She believed that keeping everything inside her castle walls made her powerful. She hoarded the riches to prove her dominance. To show her people they had no control. No hope. They lost their community. They lost their values. They lost their control. Until Snow White reminded them. Reminded them of what they once had. Reminded them of their hope . She gave them the glimpse of control they needed to take back what was theirs. She was powerless on her own, but with the people behind her? She was indestructible. Snow White reminded the brainwashed knights of their humanity. Reminded them of their connection. The very thing that gave them purpose and happiness, until the Evil Queen took it away. And that’s what I see happening now. Every day, our connection gets stripped away. A fully digital world is coming. One controlled by creators of systems we can’t see, curating what we consume, dividing us further. Our brains, our greatest gift, are being hijacked. Not by force, but by distraction. By endless division. So we stop fighting for peace… and start fighting each other. We’re being distracted. Pulled into arguments so constant and loud that we stop fighting for peace, and start creating the opposite. Together we are strong. Apart we are weak. Isn’t it wild to think… That if someone wanted more control over you, they’d do everything they could to drive us all apart? Or, maybe it’s not that wild at all.

Lately, I’ve been paying closer attention. Analysing myself and the world around me. I live in a constant pendulum swing between things feeling good and not feeling good, and most of the time, it’s not even about what’s actually happening. It’s my mind. Creating problems that don’t exist. Magnifying things that barely matter. Things we all struggle with. I’m tired. Tired of only feeling good when everything else is. Tired of letting my peace be conditional. I want to feel steady. To be at peace with the constant turbulence that life comes with, Not just when I’m riding the highs. Living away has opened my eyes in ways I didn’t expect. It’s made me feel lonely in a way I didn’t anticipate. Giving myself space has revealed something important. The things that once gave me a sense of identity… Don’t hold the same weight anymore. I feel lost, but I don’t want to feel negative about something I believe to be necessary. I choose to be lost, because something deep inside me says this is required. This is the path to finding what I’m truly looking for. I don’t want my sense of meaning to rely on having all the things I want, or depending on life being secure to feel okay. So I ask myself, Can I find something unshakeable inside me? Something that doesn’t fall apart when circumstances do. Something that stays. Even when everything else is moving. I feel like it’s something quieter than ambition, More grounded than success, More permanent than identity. So here I am, Looking for peace and meaning in a world that often feels like it offers neither. But I know, If peace and meaning are what I crave, nothing outside of myself will get me there. It can only come from within. I trust that the answers will come. By sitting inside the uncomfortable questions. By learning to bask in the emptiness. By trusting that I’ll guide myself exactly where I need to go.