Why I’m Choosing to Be Lost.

Lately, I’ve been paying closer attention. Analysing myself and the world around me.

I live in a constant pendulum swing between things feeling good and not feeling good, and most of the time, it’s not even about what’s actually happening.

It’s my mind.

Creating problems that don’t exist. Magnifying things that barely matter.

Things we all struggle with.

I’m tired.

Tired of only feeling good when everything else is.

Tired of letting my peace be conditional.

I want to feel steady. To be at peace with the constant turbulence that life comes with,

Not just when I’m riding the highs.

Living away has opened my eyes in ways I didn’t expect. It’s made me feel lonely in a way I didn’t anticipate.

Giving myself space has revealed something important.

The things that once gave me a sense of identity… Don’t hold the same weight anymore.

I feel lost, but I don’t want to feel negative about something I believe to be necessary.

I choose to be lost, because something deep inside me says this is required.

This is the path to finding what I’m truly looking for.

I don’t want my sense of meaning to rely on having all the things I want, or depending on life being secure to feel okay.

So I ask myself,

Can I find something unshakeable inside me?

Something that doesn’t fall apart when circumstances do.

Something that stays. Even when everything else is moving.

I feel like it’s something quieter than ambition,

More grounded than success,

More permanent than identity.

So here I am, Looking for peace and meaning in a world that often feels like it offers neither.

But I know, If peace and meaning are what I crave, nothing outside of myself will get me there.

It can only come from within.

I trust that the answers will come.

By sitting inside the uncomfortable questions.

By learning to bask in the emptiness.

By trusting that I’ll guide myself exactly where I need to go.